the things I’ve learned along the way
Tips I have taught myself along the way:
• Stop using terms/euphemisms like “infertility”, “failed IUI”, “unsuccessful” and “trying”. They are total downers.
• Start using terms/direct language like “pregnancy journey”, “fertility process”, “cycle where I didn’t get pregnant”, and “insemination”.
• Months ago, a close friend of mine, checking in on my process, sent me a text: “When’s your next insem?” I loved the term “insem” so much that now I use it whenever I can. Even though this process can be extremely emotionally taxing, and words are practically meaningless when you find out you’re not pregnant for the fifth time!, they actually do influence and shape the emotional tenor of your experience, especially when describing it to others (family, friends, etc.), so find language that makes you laugh or feel radical or brings you joy.
Tips I wish I had known before I was along the way:
• At least a few months before you plan to do your first insemination:
• Get an extended genetic test. If you can, get the same genetic test that the sperm bank you are working with uses. You can call them to ask which company they use! If you use the same genetic testing company as the sperm bank, then you avoid a lot of hassle when you choose a donor and need to compare your test results with theirs (i.e. potential issues like being a carrier for a genetic disease that the donor wasn’t tested for).
• Get basic hormone levels tested -- AMH, LH/FSH, progesterone, etc.
• Get an HSG test -- which visualizes your uterus and fallopian tubes and makes sure nothing is physically blocked (and has the added benefit of slightly raising your changes of pregnancy for the first two months after the test!)
• Start fertility acupuncture. A lot of cities and towns have affordable community acupuncture. Try to go once a week if that’s financially feasible.
• Research midwives in your area who do at-home inseminations. Search under key terms like “at-home IUI” and “homebirth midwife IUI”.
Tips from my midwife (thank you Kate, queer powerful midwife who works at Planned Parenthood and does at-home IUIs!) that I think could be helpful for others:
• A helpful planning framework: Do one method for three cycles (i.e. unmedicated with donor A). If you’re not pregnant after three cycles, change up one or two factors. If you can switch to a new donor, do that, or switch from unmedicated to medicated, or both! You never know which factor might help you get pregnant, so it’s good to change things up in a methodical manner.
• When choosing a donor, and feeling overwhelmed by the decision, it can be helpful to consider this question: Imagine explaining to your future child why you chose this specific donor. Would you be able to explain your choice with confidence and with integrity?
• These decisions -- choosing a donor, choosing medication, etc. -- feel monumental when you’re in the midst of them. But once you’re pregnant, they become much smaller, just part of the background to a much larger, exciting experience. Holding this truth as you go through these decisions can offer helpful perspective!
by Ellie Lobovits
